Thanks, reading your post moved me. I agree to the "rescue fantasy territory" and she seemed to have gotten there pretty fast, she told me after about five sessions or so that I could see her as long as I needed.
I think she partly knows why she went down this road but thatīs nothing she shares with me. Her lies are very difficult to bear.
It sure must have been the way you describe it; that there was a resonance between us and itīs also now why my grief is so profound. At the same time I hope that ghosting her will make her realise what she did to me, or perhaps it wonīt at all.
Itīs too hard to even understand how a person can be caring (as she was before all this happened) and then alter to be someone who distances herself.
I also grief that I see no other way out than to skip that phone call we have scheduled as Iīll never be able to talk things through with her in a way that makes me feel better about all this.
I think she might feel some heartache when I pop up in her mind. But at the same time I think sheīs relieved about not having anything to do with me anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SalingerEsme
Your former therapist does seem to be honest about the huge blunder she made, and doesn't seem to know why she made it herself. Thisseems like malpractice/ totally out -of- control poor judgment that hurt you. She seems to be as puzzled why she continued down a path that was reckless for your welfare as you are, and seems to be somewhere in the rescue fantasy territory. I do not think though, that she doesn't care. From the telling here, she got caught up in her caring and over-promised.
I bet she cared very much about you, and thought a lot about you. It reminds me of the teacher in Dead Poet Society or the therapist in Good Will Hunting ( both Robin Williams) in the sense that when new real-life teachers came to the school where I taught after seeing these movies, they wanted to BE that hero, that protagonist. Something in you clicked with something in her that wanted to give you more than she really had to give. It is kind of a mistake of excess, caring too much not not enough , caring too much in the wrong way.
For helping professions and teachers, there are dangers in indifference but even more danger in loss of perspective. In breaking known rules to keep working with you, even as you say through the natural breaking off time of the vacation, she seems to have engaged in wishful thinking and distorted thinking.
I am so so sorry she hurt you and for how hurt you are. I bet she feels heartache in private moments- or if she doesn't, she isn't a very contientious person.
|