I know this might not be the place to write this, but I'm a recovering alcoholic (15 years). My father was an ACoA. When I was young I saw my grandfather falling down drunk & promised myself I'd never wind up like that. Well, I did. When my kids were small, they saw me in as bad a shape as my grandfather. While they have accepted my amends, I can only imagine that the sight of me drunk off my arse is etched in their memories. I'll take that guilt to the grave with me. While I know your stories are different, for what it's worth, I can empathize with you. Being an ACoA himself, I can see now how much my grandfather's drinking affected my father in his adulthood. To all ACoA, I apologize for the fact that you had to go through what you did. While many/all of you can't forget, I hope you will be able to find peace.