I know we are speculating and trying to mentalize, but after teaching for so long I draw on my own experience and those I watched ( boarding school). Whenever someone crosses a professional line, they are usually reeling if they have a good heart at all. In my town, a T saw a woman as a favor to her husband, a friend, on a Sunday. She made a very big mistake that had a bad outcome, even though her intentions were good and the favor of evaluating her informally with a dual relationship seemed small until judged in hindsight. Although I am not privy to her thoughts either, I can only imagine she will regret as long as she lives her small lapse in judgement that led to great pain. I am pretty sure your T is not proud of herself; we just have the question of how much remorse does she feel. Your T is in a double bind right now bc any further ending/ bonding she does with you exacerbates her mistake, and I am sure she has been warned to back off. This is a lose-lose situation, but not one set up by you. I am so so sorry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahSweden
Thanks, reading your post moved me. I agree to the "rescue fantasy territory" and she seemed to have gotten there pretty fast, she told me after about five sessions or so that I could see her as long as I needed.
I think she partly knows why she went down this road but that´s nothing she shares with me. Her lies are very difficult to bear.
It sure must have been the way you describe it; that there was a resonance between us and it´s also now why my grief is so profound. At the same time I hope that ghosting her will make her realise what she did to me, or perhaps it won´t at all.
It´s too hard to even understand how a person can be caring (as she was before all this happened) and then alter to be someone who distances herself.
I also grief that I see no other way out than to skip that phone call we have scheduled as I´ll never be able to talk things through with her in a way that makes me feel better about all this.
I think she might feel some heartache when I pop up in her mind. But at the same time I think she´s relieved about not having anything to do with me anymore.
|