maymie,

i can understand how you feel. if you're able to move out, that would definitely help you emotionally, but i understand that's not always an option. i left home six months after my dad had a paralyzing stroke. my mom was upset, but i had to do it because the situation at home was making my depression much worse.

my parents don't make me the butt of jokes, but they are blunt and direct. they also have a really hard time understanding my depression and its affects on my life. quite often they say or do something that will hurt my feelings. when i am feeling particularly low because of my depression, i actively make a choice to not call or visit them very much. i am still coming to terms with accepting that they cannot be there for me emotionally, but that is a long journey. fortunately...that's what good friends are for!

currently i am in one of the lowest stages of depression in which i have ever been. among other major life events, i am going through foreclosure and bankruptcy. a few weeks ago while talking to my dad on the phone, he said i was a dumba** for getting myself into this situation. that really hurt and i wasn't sure how to handle it. after i'd thought about it a few days , i called him back and told him that what he said had really hurt my feelings and didn't help my situation at all. i also told him that he had made several financial mistakes in the past. he replied that his intention wasn't to hurt me. i have also done this a few times with my mother.

my suggestion is to deal with each individual person one-on-one. let them know that what they did really hurt you and ask them if they can refrain from doing it in the future. i would also recommend to not do it while you are still upset about the situation. give it a few days to think about what you want to say and not make it like you're attacking them.

also, you choose when you want to interact with these people. if you're not feeling up to it and they don't seem to relent, then take a break from them. my parents live about 20 minutes away, but when i'm feeling really down, sometimes i won't see them or talk to them for 2-3 months. after many years, it still bothers them that i do this, but they do not have a choice. my mom now actively calls me to check in on me. i think being hospitalized last year for depression/suicidal thoughts really opened her eyes to what is really going on with me.

sorry my reply ended up being so long. i wanted you to know you are not alone. just remember that you have to do what's best for YOU not what's best for others in your life.