Hi everyone.

I'm having a huge problem with one of my friends, and it's making me feel really down and sad.

I met this friend at uni, and I knew she had mental health problems, but we always had a laugh anyway and helped each other through any rough times we were experiencing. My friend has anxiety and depression I'd say.

Since we left uni, we've had a really up and down relationship. My friend fell into a deep state of depression and I think felt like she had a lack of purpose. She went into a regular job (nothing specific to her degree), and was feeling very trapped from being stuck in her home town. She didn't have a social life and so no friends/no boyfriend etc. She regularly has fights with her family.

She ended up doing a course at a local college and became unhealthily obsessed with a teacher on the course. Since the course has ended, she has become even more obsessed and made several attempts to contact this person. She knows I don't think it's right so doesn't always tell me when she has contacted them. She goes through intense periods of feeling very up and down, going as far as to completely shut herself away from everyone for months. When we talk, it is very one sided, usually about her teacher. If I say anything about myself or my life, she will bring it right down and is generally very negative about everything except this person she's obsessed with, who she thinks is some sort of gift to the Earth.

This gets really frustrating for me and I regularly have to have a break from talking to her to re-energise myself as I find it really draining. I have a good relationship with one of my teachers, and she is so jealous that she doesn't like me mentioning anything about it. She is critical of my relationship (doesn't think he's right for me, has never liked him - she's never met him!), my job (thinks It's not what I really want to be doing), my social life (doesn't like me "being sociable") and even small things like my choices of TV program and music. If I now tell her about my worries, she won't make any attempt to calm me down or help, she'll just try to confirm that my fears will come true. For example (this could be a trigger for some), I suffer from quite bad death anxiety, to the extent that I get very upset about it. I use my beliefs and theories about it to comfort myself and give myself hope etc, but she just pulls my beliefs apart and tells me that "when we're dead we're dead, it's all a myth etc." It's fine if she believes that, but I don't think it's very sensitive to say that to someone who's petrified of dying. The weird thing is that on other days, she will tell me how she would like to join church or has written a letter to the universe! (end of trigger)

I'm at my wits end now and I'm at a loss about what to do. The friendship is so toxic. I try my best to be empathetic with her. I'm worried that if I take some time away to re-evaluate the friendship she will have nobody. I'm also too scared to tell her I might need to take some time away. She has in the past been a good friend, and is the one person who I used to feel I could say anything to. In a selfish way she is my best friend and I don't want to lose that either, but she just leaves me feeling drained and upset 80% of the time I talk to her.

Has anyone got any advice? I'm really in a conundrum Thanks!