Trigger warning ⚠️

I've marked this post with a warning, truth is, I've no idea how to start. Has anyone else ever found it odd, that they can feel real friendships, bonds, etc, with people who they've never met n yet, no longer have any closeness left, with those around them? That is what's happening in my orbit. I love my family, yet, truly? I'd not care, if I never saw them again. I wish them all the very best, but all feelings have gone completely. I'm not sure I will see many of them again.

Thanks to everyone, who has checked in on me....I've been feeling off, for quite sometime actually. I'll be honest, I don't feel I've any right, posting in depression forum...people who knew me, would wonder what I was playing at. In real life you see, at best, I'm anxious, but, even this (according to others) is pushing things. I don't feel suicidal....but living fills me with dread. I've no interest in the world anymore. How do you find joy, keep it? I feel intense, yet, nothing.

I practice mindfulness, am in therapy, and, well, y'kno....doing what we all do, to encourage healing, health, etc. I'm drained, constantly. I know I need to keep pulling my thoughts/self upwards and keep going, but how? How do you do it, when you'd rather just not try anymore? Not because you've simply had enough but, your not even sure what it's for (going on) other than to prove, your not weak?

Apologies for the bleakness. I'm told I blow things out of all perspective, lol, I guess post illustrates this point beautifully. I know things aren't so bad. Kind thanks for giving me the gentle encouragement to post/sound off in here.

Love n strength to all