I have no words of comfort, unfortunately. I know exactly what's going on with you because you told my own story here, basically (this could count for self-disclosure). The same anguish, the same feelings towards the therapists (all 3 of them - all male), the same heartbreak, the same type of letters ( I wrote many of those, not just one), the same shame and feeling of humiliation that this situation inevitably brings, the same pain and frustration about how much power they had over me because the love went only one direction (from me to them), the same humane, compassionate but ..ignorant responses from them that did not make me feel better because, as kind and sympathetic as they were, they demonstrated that they didn't understand a damn thing about what was going on with me no matter how much I tried to explain it and how heartfelt my communications were (both written and verbal).

It saddens me a lot to see you or anyone in that place.

I am happy that I am not in that place anymore and have not been for a long time now. I made my choice of how to end it and what lessons to learn from it. I trust that you will make a choice that is best for you and learn the right lessons for yourself. Meanwhile, take care of yourself. You are not alone in this. I believe that many people on this forum, myself included, have been where you are or, at the very least, can understand what's going on with you better than your therapist can, I suspect. The prove of that is the number of hugs under your post.