This week was weird. We were disconnected and on autopilot for much of it. Night times were all about nightmares and some child part sobbing us out of sleep. We found ourselves in different places after lost time this week, not something that is always so pronounced with us. Yesterday I "found myself" pretty much having a tantrum in a toy store. I was supposed to be somewhere else at the time. Yeah, I don't know either.

We were looking forward to seeing T today, hoping maybe to connect with self a bit more, hoping to feel a bit safer and not so lost and tossed around on a stormy sea for a while. But it was very dissociated. I know different parts were there, I know we spent part of the sesson rapid switching, around and around, with too much conflict and confusion and fear for any one part to hold on for too long.

I feel like I missed therapy today. That I didn't get to go, I didn't get to ground, I didn't get to be myself. The body was there.

I am filled with scared.