For there's a sweet spot that works, if I am too depressed or suicidal my motivation and energy goes completely and sometimes I can barely string a coherent sentence together. On the other hand a lot of what drives my painting and poetry is channelling painful feelings into something less destructive and finding ways to articulate and make sense of embodied states and sense memories, so if I am feeling really great I'm often not in the right place to do that either. I need to be in-between.