Hi everyone I’m new to this forum. I am a woman who is a survivor, against all odds. I’m bi polar, borderline, I have adhd and ptsd. Currently I am in a depressive episode.

I just had a miscarriage and I can’t help but to feel incompetent guilt. Even though I’m told by the doctors, it’s not your fault, I can’t help but to blame myself for the meds I take. The meds that make me feel alive are toxins to an embryo. I feel like any and all meds for pregnant women are bad.

I want to have a baby so badly, and I’m off my meds right now. I’m seeing a naturopathic doctor next week. I feel as though I am some sort of addict for needing medication just to be nice. I wish so badly I could just feel healthy with out anything unnatural.

If there are any women out there that are bi polar and pregnant, or have had kids and taken meds during pregnancy or stopped meds, please reach out. I feel so depressed right now and kind of feel like my social circle has deemed me as unstable and useless. I feel like a burden to them or ambiguous.

I’ve been amazing during my positive mania episodes but also a total asshole through the chapters on and off. I’m tired of the symptoms and I’m reaching down to the core. I want to have a baby with my husband but I don’t want to go off my rocker. And I feel like it’s so wrong to take meds while pregnant. I do not wish to adopt and can not afford a surrogate. I want the whole experience of creating life, with out that I feel useless.

What are the best ways to deal with bi polar during pregnancy and conception?