As you can see, Silver Queen, many people care about you here.

My ex BF and another friend had fathers that killed themselves. These orphaned children believe that nothing is more selfish than suicide. It says to all those who love us -- You and your pain at losing me mean nothing to me.

We depressed people honestly and truly believe that no one really cares about us. Our disease tells us that no one will really miss us. They are just being nice. They may have some tiny pang of regret, but they'll get over it quickly. And forget all about us.

Our disease tells us that we're useless, worthless. Not only won't they miss us, they will be better off without our whining, needy selves around.

Yes, we can see that it is all for the best that we end this dreadful pain. We see it. Those who love us don't see it.

Antidepressants target very specific areas of the brain. They are not a cure-all, as others have said. But Effexor has changed my life -- in tandem with prayer, with CBT, with help from those the Forums community and my spiritual community of choice. I'm am 56, SQ, and this is the first time in my life that some cloud has lifted from my brain, that was always there even in the best of times. Still there a little, sometimes. But not ready to strangle me.

Sorry to write so long. Clinton made a cliche out of the words, "I feel your pain." But I do. And I want so much for you to want to live. Please Silver Queen. You have value here. Can it be enough for you to know this even if you can't feel it for right now? And to take care of yourself for the sake of all those who love and care about you?