OMG i am all over the place today. Was ok this morning, then went to rehearsal and totally switched. It's like i can't do music any more. it used to be my life - but really i don't think i was ever aware how much switching i did in the old days. Totally switched out - skin killing me - want to get out of this body!!! Came home. mom told me my gran says "give her (me) an hug for me, i haven't seen her since last april" - because i am not talking to that side of my fam any more cuz they suck.
i said to her "too bad" . mom said "she should have been nice - nice to our precious daughter". then tries to touch me
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr if i had anywhere else to go i would already be long gone and not talk to her any more either. she's been abusive to me too. i confirmed last year that she touched me sexually in the bath as a baby up until 3 yrs old when i started fighting her... just as my gran did.
i'm sooooooooooooo *&^%#$!*
I just wanna get out of here!!!!
But i have no where to go
this is where i tune out or go sleep or cut or....
i just dunno. why everything has to be so *%$&^#! hard!
I applied for food stamps... they gave me 10 dollars a month. TEN! If i really only needed that little a month do they really think i would have wasted my GD time?!!?
*&^%
To ^#*! with everything.