Echos, I think it might go back even further: Not being seen with your needs when you were really needy and dependent as an infant and/or todler is more than enough to deeply ingrain this pattern of shame and self-loathing inside of us. To establish a pattern of not wanting to be seen and/or not being able to endure being seen. And I guess, chances are that your mother wasn't really able to attune to your needs as a baby in a way that would have been good enough, to get those basic needs that all of us have met.

This is painful stuff, incredibly painful stuff. Kudos to you for not shying away but being willing to explore this further (with your T, who will be there - I'm more than sure of that).

This book I mentioned further up has been really helpful to me with those issues, a lot of things that haven't made sense before suddenly added up a bit more. It helped me to establish a frame of reference for my "neediness", to know where it comes from, and what it stands for, and to find ways to look after myself whenever I get to that point, when the neediness (and subsequent shame and guilt) might take over...

Love and a big hug,
c_r