We have discussed many "experiments" with food. The first one was with using a raisin. Yep, a raisin. He wanted me to take a raisin, feel it, roll it around it my hand etc. He wanted me to focus on what it felt like while I was "feeling it". Then place this is my mouth. Do the same thing with the raisin. Noticing the texture, taste etc.

So anyway, I got to the putting in the mouth, and gagged. We kind of giggled as he realized that this probably was not the best idea. So he gave me some other ideas to try and keep in food (with the doc getting upset). He wanted me to try something small and not to purge it or take any laxatives after. So he wanted me to focus on something else after I had eaten. One idea was instead of harming my body in the ways I have been or cutting: take an ice cube and hold it in my hand. In some ways it would be uncomfortable in the sense of as it gets colder, it would sting somewhat: maybe replacing the want for self harm. But he wanted me to focus on the ice cube. Think about what it feels like, watching the water melt in my hand, etc. So this was good but then I wanted to eat the ice cubes; lolol, I was so darn thirsty. But I sent myself into a mess cause I ate so many, my body must have been in shock. I ended up with a wicked tummy ache.

But the idea is there. It may not work the first, second, or third time...just to keep trying. He also wanted me to try counting backwards by 3's. Or focus on breathing etc. So I have managed to eat a few small things and keep it down. But odd as I find that I have become upset and binged. And thats not what I normally do. Then the purging etc. But thinking about the ice, why not an ice pack? I am not going to eat those; lolol. ewwwwww.

I have a sheet of suggestions, just have not tried them all. But I can let u know these as I do think they can be helpful. I do like the ice idea. I think many here would find it a good tool for different reasons. With the ED, or with SI. Not sure, but if u try let us know how it works out.

Anyway, I have not been on as I have had a nasty couple of days. Been really ill and in bed quite a lot. And my son had a bad day today...but is working on it. Then weird night as well. Long story, but someone tried to break in the house. We are taking puppy tomorrow but I have to say: thank goodness for him tonight. He freaked out, and who ever was at the door, took off. Shook my daughter up though. I just got her to sleep. My bf was at work when this started happening. I called him and he was home within 5 mins. This mess is starting up again. We were having these things happen a while back: it stopped, now started again. Freaky!!

Anyway, I thought I should come in and say I am still home. My doctor has closed his door; which I can't say I blame him. Not sure about whats to happen. My doctor had talked to my t and was upset about everything. That was last week and have not heard anything since. He said he would call, but didn't. I did see his frustration, so I am assuming the poor guy has had it.

Justy