T to me:
You can heal from this, but you are right, it is too complicated for email. It has to do with telling your life story differently - not changing the facts, but changing the way you assess it.

There is a lot.
You are in my thoughts,

Me to T:
What? Changing how I assess it? Like, not view myself as a victim?

But I hurt sooo much! I don’t feel like a survivor or thriver. I feel victimized, powerless and angry! Every turn I try to make to regain my power gets blocked. No victorious civil suit. Not able to give lectures or TEDtalks, no happily going on with my life...no closure..no mediated meetings with the perp.

Even if I tried to DECIDE I would only view the positives...I STILL get flashbacks & triggered. DEPRESSION and ANXIETY come and TAKE me. I don’t even have a stable home where I can recover..if I can recover. I keep getting knocked off my feet. I still get the blame and have fingers pointing at me detailing how I ****ed up and how I should have known better. I don’t have control of that.

And the truth is, I said ‘no’ to ONE thing. But how do I discount all the decisions I said, ‘yes’ to? Am I not to blame for them? I said yes to taking my daughter and mother to see him. I said yes to the civil suit, I said yes, yes, yes, yes, I’ll move to (that city), yes, I’ll divorce a husband with a stable job. Yes, I’ll quit nursing school and stop trying to further my education.

I said, ‘Yes!’