Thank you, that sound interesting.

I think one of my biggest hangups when it comes to "negative thinking" at the moment is that I have become obsessed with making the same kind of positive impression as I did when I was at a camp school in 1999 (junior high school in Sweden starts at age 13);
we were at a ski resort in the summer, and right after I had got off the buss I started flirting with a girl I saw in one of the other buses, and I was later approached by that girl and several of her friends in a minigolf queue and asked to join them in that game, and then I would occasionally hang out with them a will at the arcades there.
Then the second day I was heading for a school party and some strangers asked me if I wanted to join them because they thought I seemed to be by myself, but I was a little too shy for that so I said that I was in a hurry somewhere or something like that.
Then at the school party I started flirting with another girl there, and she also came up to me with several other girls a little while later, and then I got one of their phone numbers but never called for some reason.

I think that those three days at that camp school have made such a huge impact on me because I experienced lots of fun things in a short period of time in a new environment, and also felt a mutual interest in other people, whereas nowadays I feel kind of bored a lot of the time and feel like both I and other people feel uncomfortable during our interactions.
And I feel like if I don't immediately make a consistent positive impression then I would become discouraged and lose confidence in myself, like I have lost some part of my old personality and will never get it back or something.
I even have made positive impressions on several people at my university on different occasions, but for some reason they always feel like "the very last time".
I even got a warm reception from a few invigilators last time I took an exam just about a week ago when they talked to me, with smiles and some physical contact and stuff, and that gave me a confidence boost for maybe one minute.
So there is definitely something weird about my whole mindset.