Quote:
Originally Posted by cinnamon_roll
- This might sound a bit harsh, but I just really want for you to see some changes happen. You can wait for the system to rescue you. This obviously won't happen. Instead of waiting forever you could start changing some things that you do have influence on. And there are some things, no matter how you feel about it right now. This won't turn your life around over night, but it will make a difference in the long run. But you have to start somewhere, and no-one will do that for you.
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I confess, and I've been reading your posts for a long time, including from the beginning when you had a long term therapist provided for you as part of the system, and when that ended you thought you wouldn't be given another one, but I think you were. And that was before the most recent "church" counselor, IIRC. I would really like to see some changes happen for you, but what I see in your postings is that you seem inflexible about making any changes yourself, so I'm not going to recommend anything other than to say that I second the suggestions made by CR here. Add to that, and I've made this suggestion before, volunteer work that would get you out of the house and connected with people in some way. If you can go to your appointment with a psychiatric nurse who makes you feel worse, I think you could go to a support group, or at least try it. I'm not sure I buy the "I'm too ill to do anything" line. It is a choice you are making, and it's fine to exercise your right to a choice, but it seems like a pretense to me to claim you have none.
Also, I don't buy that you are "forced" to see this nurse. Or that it's impossible to have a productive relationship with her. You want to receive public benefits because you are unable to work-- nothing wrong with that-- and, in exchange, this is something you have to do. I won't make any suggestions for how to approach this relationship differently, because I anticipate you will reject them. I wish you could approach your life with a greater sense of agency and willingness to change-- and I don't mean to say that you haven't made progress, because you have and that can be seen on this board-- that is my issue, not yours. I'm sorry I can't be more responsive and just empathize with your struggle, but I feel that you construct the possibilities for your life in limiting ways, when I think you have a lot to offer the world. I'd like to see you out there in the world and have an improved quality of life, but again, that's my issue. Clearly you don't want that and I should just accept that, because it's your life to live and on your own terms and not mine.