T Thursday. Will just do really brief recap of this one, then longer one about the extra session yesterday. I had asked someone for their thoughts on how H acted toward D (and me) at times, like with yelling and stuff like that. Something that ex-MC tended to act like was no big deal. (And which T *does* seem to think is a problem.) What that person told me was quite jarring and not what I expected to hear (with words like "emotional abuse" and "leaving"). I'd emailed T about it Wednesday night, and his response included "Yikes--I can see why you would be in turmoil over this."

So Thursday, we talked about that. Lots of stuff about how T thinks H is lacking in emotional intelligence and can't control his emotions (particularly anger and frustration), and just ends up, as he so eloquently put it, "barfing them all over everyone." And that it was akin to a toddler having a tantrum. While I have much higher emotional intelligence. Though sometimes maybe I'm not sure what to do with all of my feelings.

T was also rather critical of ex-MC at one point, saying he'd done a sh**ty job of handling some of the stuff around H's expressing anger in just suggesting it was all OK.

I talked about fears of what would happen if I left H, like fears he'd get primary custody, that he could use my mental health issues against me (T: "That would be a really sh**ty thing to do"), that he'd keep house (he'd already told me once, years ago, when we were having issues that he would), I'd be living in parents' basement, etc. etc. At the end of my listing all those fears, T just went, "Oh my goodness, LT..."

I don't even remember what all we talked about--some of that session is a bit hazy, plus I'm mixing some of it up with our session yesterday. I know we went right up to the hour, and he just sort of wordlessly got out his phone to schedule, and I just...really wish I hadn't had to go then. Like I could have easily talked for another hour. He just said his typical "Good luck out there" when he shook my hand, and this probably sounds so ridiculous, but I just wanted him to say "take care" as he does sometimes right as I'm walking out the door (and I said a thing or two in hopes of drawing that out), but he didn't.

I thought I was OK, went out to get something to eat, ran a couple errands, then on the way home started sobbing. And I ended up crying a bit on couch while D was sitting there. So texted T (it's OK because it was a strictly scheduling question) and asked if he happened to have any openings the next day. He offered 4:30, and I took it. I felt this instant sense of relief that I'd be able to talk about it more soon...