I have one son, he was planned. He has “issues”. I did not bond to him early. I went through his infancy being the best damn “babysitter” ever. I was excellent to him no one knew. Well my husband did. It was pure hell. I was afraid to tell anyone. So I was really really sick with psychosis and depression. When he was 8 months old I almost just picked up and left and was manic for a while blaming his father/my husband for everything. My eating disorder got worse and worse. I tried to get help (my world was falling apart) and no one would help, my bmi wasn’t low enough. My husband’s family eventually moved in so I wasn’t ever alone with my son. Before that my husband wouldn’t even let me watch my son to run to the store. As time went on my son and I grew close. He was about 5 when my husband started to let me stay alone with him. He was about 4 when I got help, spoiler alert it made me mixed as hell. I was better without medication.

Two- three years later I got real help, in fear that my husband’s therapist would hospitalize me. In my mind if I had a therapist she couldn’t hospitalize me.

All that said I wouldn’t change him for the world. I would have fought for help when I was younger. You’re way ahead of me. You have help through a pregnancy and birth. It’s been a rough road but we are super happy. If I knew before he would have issues and how hard it would be, on everyone I would have still had him.