I think it's very common for people, especially in therapy, to wonder whether their marriage is right for them. Asking the question is healthy and there is no prescription that you need to answer it one way or the other. Addressing it directly is a sign of progress, as opposed to being locked in sadness and disappointment that goes unstated. My marriage became better when I started expressing it.

The struggle to parent a child with another parent who is not on board with doing or not doing parenting in ways that are important to you, I've had my own version of that. Parenting is hard enough and demanding enough, especially with a differently-wired kid (mine isn't on the spectrum per say but definitely is wired in ways that are atypical), that having to defend the other parent or otherwise clean up after their messes can be exhausting.

And this thing that your T said, is totally brilliant. "He said how yelling and expressing anger in that way are putting your own concerns above the other person's." And when we sign up to parent, we sign up to put our own needs/concerns behind that of our children. Doesn't mean we always do it perfectly, and we have to balance taking care of ourselves so we can take care of them, but to me this is pretty much the definition of parenting, that we agree to try as best as we can.

One thing I disagree with about what your T said. I don't think yelling makes the yeller feel good, and in fact I think it's the shame they feel while doing it and the frozenness it leads to that prevents change, particularly if they have difficulty talking about it.

As usual, I admire your courage digging into these issues and in sharing them here on the board. Be sure and let us know when your book comes out . . . .