Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie
I've always felt that my job is to help people and not to intrude. So when someone tells me she is having a financial crisis, I used to take her word for it, because I felt it was inappropriate to ask questions about finances. While financial matters are generally considered private, is it appropriate to ask questions (and to what extent is it apporpirate) if someone is begging for your help? And what kind of questions should I be asking? I thought about pointing to people in her life, like "Can so-and-so help you?" But her typical reply is "They are not helpful" (regarding other things). So do I need to get more specific?
I've troubled myself and troubled other people to help someone and later found out she is going on vacations, and she was withholding information about additional income sources. I am not made of money, so this is a big risk for me.
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Maybe this will help you decide. If it were really your job--you were a bank manager, a loan officer, a social agency worker, it
would be appropriate to ask questions, and for two reasons: to determine the person's
real needs and to determine if coming to you was the appropriate place to seek aid.
On a man on the street level: people have varying opinions on what constitutes need. If I were hungry and you offered me a piece of bread I'd be grateful. However, I know a man who refuses to get a job. His wife, who
does work, buys him only one type of apple which is often the most expensive in the store--and they must be organic--which makes them even more expensive. I felt she was bragging when she said they were 5.99 a pound.
I never give what I don't want to give; I want to give joyfully. If I were you, I'd be inclined to tell this person: "The only thing I can give you is some time to listen to you; maybe we can come up with a solution for you to pursue."
The woman who bought the organic apples kept telling me how her friends gave them gift cards. I felt she was begging. Yet there was a simple solution to her problem--and neither gift cards nor organic apples were the solution.