Because I still have those same sexual issues I had as a child. That is what causes problems in my daily life. Not the fact that my mother was crappy. I go to pet the dog I have an impulse to touch it in a sexual manner, if my little cousin sits next to me same impulse, my dad sits next to me same impulse, watch Law and Order Svu impulse to press privates to chair. I go through this everyday. Not the fact that my mom stunk as a mom. Yes it hurts I dont have a good mother. Is it going to change-no. Am I going to find someone to take her place- haven't yet. We are working on the impulses themselves. Trying to figure out how to stop them. I want to know where they came from though. I want to know there was a cause and I was just not born this way. I want there to have been a sexual cause because if there wasn't and I touched animals and my younger sister when I was little. I am just a born freak.