I'm not really sure how to answer, or if you are even seeking an answer from any of us. I guess all that I will write is that it's important to live in the moment (practice mindfulness). Seek out simple pleasures, however simple or small.

As an aside, I assume the charming young lady you always have pictured is Lee SoonKyu. I just wanted to say that seeing her photo is always a small delight for me. Thank you! Look into her eyes and try to absorb some of that light you mention. A smile absorbed is a gift. In DBT therapy, there is even a coping skill called "Half Smile". Many people mock it, but it is apparently scientifically shown that even the action of a smile (even forced) can lift the mood, even if only very slightly.

“That man is rich whose pleasures are the cheapest.”
― Henry David Thoreau

“Sometimes, the simple things are more fun and meaningful than all the banquets in the world.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri

“It was as if I had only just been able to see colors and shapes for the first time. I was so enthralled with the buttons on Lestat’s black coat that I looked at nothing else for a long time.”
― Anne Rice

“A nice warm shower, a cup of tea, and a caring ear may be all you need to warm your heart.”
― Charles F. Glassman