Please don’t fall into the trap of thinking that wellness comes only from the perfect therapist and that that is the magic bullet. Those of us who have struggled with MI for many years know, as stated by the posters above, that improvement comes from many variables, most of which you control yrself. Getting yrself around people is absolutely vital. For me, vigorous exercise helps so much that it is almost like magic. There are workbooks online (amazon)that give a structured approach that really helps me, like examining what caused yr illness (triggers) . Do something, even clean out a closet. Maybe a pet would help. Cats are easy to take care of. Keep moving. You don’t feel like it, you have to anyway. No choice. Don’t let the disorder win. We’re with you.
I think you really must ask yrself why you won’t even try antidepressants. Do you have a definite diagnosis? An assessment and diagnosis comes first.
Finally, you live so far north w short summers that I think it is important to see if sadd (seasonal affective...)is affecting you.
Talk to someone, even in line for coffee, and get moving. Now. You’ll feel so empowered when these things start to work. And it will be gradual. Hugs!