...and yet - your son seems to know nothing of your struggle, is usurping your money and therapist when, as you said, he's an adult.
you're right - this does not seem like justice.
like colleen and cyrano, i think you were a good mom, and you put your kid before yourself - that is quite admirable. now it's your time.
and really, i think your happiness of some future death of the man that hurt you so much can be seperate from your son's future grief. You are always entitled to your feelings - even if you don't share them with your son... i, too, imagine one day i shall dance on my abuser's grave. it may not be the socially "right" response... but well deserved.
one of my littles just went through a memory and having read her hugs scribbly writing, i will dance with her.
take care, free.... find your enjoyment when and where you can. your son is an adult and now it is his own responsibility to find his.
hugs to you, kiya