What do you guys do when you're in the middle of a horrific cycle/episode and you have to wait, for what seems like forever to see your psychiatrist?? I don't want to go to a hospital again, I've been there so often in the past. I'm not suicidal or homicidal, by any far stretch, though I did have the thought a couple of days ago that myself and my family would have been much better off if the heart disease had killed me. I hate those thoughts, because I know what comes next, if I don't do something soon. Fortunately, my appointment is finally coming up on Thursday - Thank you, GOD. I honestly don't know how much more that I could take. I think this is the worst episode that I have ever suffered through without being hospitalized. I've made a contract with my husband and my two closest friends that if I do have true thoughts or intentions of harming myself, that I will tell them and go to the hospital voluntarily, without protest. That's growth for me today. I spent a good portion of my life trying to self-destruct - drug addiction, eating disorders, etc. (without getting descriptive - I don't want to trigger anyone). The rest of the time, I just didn't really care if I lived or died, even though a lot of others did, and tried desperately to "save" me. Since the surgery (read my introduction post for details), I have an amazing desire to live and enjoy life, which makes all of this all the more maddening. What do you all do when you have to wait?? Sometimes it takes the Mental Health Center here FOREVER to fit you in. Any suggestions for calming the madness even just a little?? Thanks - paintedturtle