My head's getting worse. I don't know how else to put it. I relapsed (again) with SH. My ideation is quickly turning into much more. I feel my mind beginning to come up with plans and I can't seem to stop it. For a long time I was dealing with obsessions over the possibility of losing someone (usually by some sick, twisted death). It lightened up a lot a couple weeks ago. Now it's back to being my own. The voice in my head is telling me that I'm just a **** person and no one would truly care if I died. I'm trying to combat the voice, I'm trying to fight it, but it seems futile. It's not that I think everyone would be better off without me. I just think I'm irrelevant. It truly would not matter whether or not I stayed alive. I'm just a filler episode of an infinite tv show. I don't know. I'm just really not doing good but I can't really talk about it. Too much is going on. Too much pain is being felt. I'm not going to add to it by dumping my issues on others. I shouldn't even be doing it here. Anyway, that's how I am. Peace.