1.Social phobia: i have had social anxiety and panic attacks since about the age of 6 or 7. School was the worse and back then no one said anything about this being a disorder and i always thought that i was a lone and weird. Everyone always said i was just shy and i would grow out of it. well i never did. i am working really hard to overcome this or at least to manage it well. Since i have been grown and on my own i have always made other people make my appointments for me and then would be to nervous to even go. i didn't want anyone to see me shake and have red blotches. Now just recently i have decided it is ok to see a psychiatrist or therapist because they will know what is going on and i am sure they have seen it before. i just have to work on other appointments/meetings/get togethers/and driving or going to the store during the day. i have a lot of work to do but deciding to go see a psychiatrist and not be ashamed or run away is the first step.

2.Self esteem:i am trying my hardest to love myself for who i am. I takes a lot of hard work, i am not there yet, but i am trying and i am happy to say that yesterday February 29 2008 was the first time in my entire life that i said out loud that i am pretty. i really felt weird, good, but at the same time scary.

3.bipolar rapid cycling mood swings: This one seems to be the hardest. i tried for so long to "fix myself" i realized it is too hard and i need help. So i am seeing a psychiatrist and when i get stable i will find a therapist. i am also writing down all of my moods and it is a lot per day. And as soon as i start my medication i will track the side effects and my moods as well. This is because i have a problem when i get to feeling better i stop taking the meds and completely forget about the bad times, and think there was never anything wrong with me. i have just recently after 4 years of doing this realized that it is my mind playing tricks on me. So by tracking my moods I can look back when i start to feel better and see how i was before. And i can also find my triggers and remember what meds i have been on and when. It is just the best thing to do and i can't believe i didn't do it sooner. But better late than never.

4. Obsessive thinking: This is one of my triggers for my severe mood swings. i haven't mastered this one or even began to, but as soon as I get this one under control i think everything else will fall into place. i am very opptomisstic about getting help and helping myself as well.

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