Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica11
I use to say I feel like a bucket full of holes. No matter what T puts in, it falls through.
T said thats because you missed so much as a child. That feeling of not enough is a result of not having got enough. Not of not getting enough now.
I feel now that most of them holes have been blocked up now.
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That’s a really good point. I think that has a lot to do with it. I think no matter how much attention she gives me, I’m not going to feel like it’s enough. Hopefully I can figure out how to block up those holes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mogwai
Same, I almost feel like I want her 24/7 attention like a baby. When I left the session today I immediately missed her 
I'm guessing you didn't receive this enough from your own parents. As a dependent child, no attention at all really is worse than negative attention. Or maybe you feel like you don't deserve positive attention? I'm not sure.
Any negativity from my T would crush me, but sometimes I want to act out or make myself worse so that she'll worry about me more often and give me more attention and care. I control myself but the desire is still there. |
Yeah, I really didn’t receive enough attention from my parents. My dad left my mom/my family when I was 7, and never looked back. My mom was so depressed about it for years, so I kinda had to fend for myself a lot in there. And, that was right around the time I got very sick (I have a rare autoimmune disorder), so I needed extra attention and maybe I felt like I never got enough there. I also really feel like I don’t deserve positive attention. I don’t feel like I deserve positive things in general. I have a very low opinion of myself.
I think positive attention to me feels not genuine and like T doesn’t actually care when she does that, negative attention makes me feel like she cares about me, probably because that’s all that I’m used to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
Even adults need attention, as we're social beings. Nothing wrong with that. But I wonder if because you have your therapy set up to reward your negative behavior with negative attention (T's stern voice and what have you), could both of you be unconsciously encouraging it? Could you experiment with this, perhaps have your "negative attention" be pre-emptive, like a negative warning not to do the negative things?
I think most human behavior is rational, if we understand what we're getting out of even what looks like suffering. My son once told me that he wanted to be sick more often because I pay such good attention to him. Yikes, so I tried to devote myself more to him when he wasn't sick, then he told me to back off. Haha. There's parenting in a nutshell.
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It’s possible we’re both subconsciously encouraging it. I wonder how I’d go about bringing that up to have negative attention be pre-emptive. I kinda did get to that point with my last T, where she knew to be on my case early on if she saw me slipping, letting me know where she saw me going and that the behavior was not okay.
I understand that feeling of wanting to be sick for more attention...that’s almost what it frequently feels like in therapy...she’ll pay more attention to me if I’m more sick...