I have had treatment resistant depression for as long as I can remember - my whole life. I remember even as child knowing that something was not quite right with me. I did feel things the way other people did. I've been on and off meds and in and out of therapy since I was 17. Nothing is working to the point that my doctors won't even do anything for me anymore because they acknowledge nothing is working.

To others I appear successful - I own my own home in a big, beautiful area. I work for an airline. I drive a new car. I have my own business. I'm in school full time. But I am also being sucked to death in debt that I can no longer manage.

But all of that is masking what is underneath which is constant, unrelenting depression that just doesn't give. My doctor says I can't possibly be depressed, because I am functional. I don't think my therapist knows what to do with me anymore.

I'm 44. I've lived a lot longer than I ever anticipated and I just want to be done. I'm trying to fill my days with things that are fun and useful, but nothing is fun, and nothing is useful. I just want to go .