Quote:
Originally Posted by xiximmxi
I have a guy friend who I've known since high school.
He moved to California about three years ago and since then we've lost a bit of contact but still text every now and then. We were good friends; he even shared an apartment with my boyfriend at the time after we all graduated.
The problem is - I am no longer with that boyfriend (after five long years), and ever since he has moved to CA he would text me randomly just saying sweet things people say when they haven't seen each other in a while and then eventually it gets to the point where I'm kind of uncomfortable because I feel like he is trying to get out of the "Friend Zone"... and I shut that nonsense down (very subtly, I thought) by saying something about the guy I'm talking to now, or something. Then after that he stops responding to me.  And after a couple of months he will randomly message me again & it's like this vicious circle over again. If he was someone I met recently, I'd just assume he is a ****boy and move on, but since I've known him for so long I have hard time judging what is right.
I'm starting to think that he was never really my friend. And that really hurts; I don't open up to a lot of people. I miss our old days when we told each other everything without this weird tension - I just want platonic companionship and I never seem to get that with men. I am so sick of them pretending like they are my friends until they realize I have no intention to **** them!
Do you think women and men can be just friends? |
In terms of your guy friend who seems to want more, It sounds like you need to be less subtle and more direct with him.
To answer your question, sure, they CAN be just friends if there is no attraction and romantic feelings harbored towards each other. In my experience, when I've been just friends with a straight guy, he usually has feelings for me. Even in high school, a couple of my close male friends came out to me about their romantic feelings towards me. It happened again recently with a friend of mine. I had to be very direct with him about my own feelings (that I didn't feel that way towards him). I have had the opposite happen too, where I've had feelings for a man who "just wanted to be friends" (or what I like to call, "just wanted his ego stroked"). I end those friendships very quickly now, and they really do not happen often anyways. I personally do MUCH better being friends with gay men.
I don't think there is one universal answer here. I'm sure you will find single men and women who are straight and just good friends. But that hasn't been my experience. Someone else here said that if they're married or in a relationship, it's easier to be just friends and I agree.