Oh ugh.....that debt is seriously adding to your depression.....yep I know, I tried to fill my depressed life with things & in my bad marriage we both spent money we didn't have. I knew better but didn't give a dang & he was just always financially irresponsible.

I actually lost track of the # of times I attempted to end my life. There wasn't a med that I didn't have horrible side effects to & come to really find out there wasn't a med that could really fix what was wrong in my life.....that had actually been wrong my whole life.

I was totally functional. Got my BS degree in Accounting & Computer Science & had a successful Computer Design Engineering career for 15 years. Had our daughter 10 months before I graduated with my degree.

But the dysfunctional family I grew up in ended up being the same kind of dysfunctional H I married but I had never learned functional skills to deal with it & as things got worse my the skills I did have no longer worked. Then I ended up financially trapped in my situation & felt there was no other way out than to end it all.

I am thankful I did survive because I was there for my mom at the end of her life (cancer) & that actually was what opened the door to leave where I was & get the therapy that really did help (DBT). That also gave me the ability to be financially responsible for only myself. I bought my farm & my truck.....but I do without until I have the money to pay cash for things or get no interest short term financing. I do without everything else.

It is amazing how REALLY taking control over my life instead of reacting to everything all my life has really helped my depression & my anxiety. I was put on permanent disability because I really couldn't function after I ended up having a breakdown in 1994 (yep my first eskie & my first horse were supposed to help but didn't change the foundational problem I didn't even know existed at the time).

Never discount that things will change for tje better. I asked my good psychologist WHY leaving my old environment helped me so much because I was always told we just bring our problems along with us. She said sometimes cutting ties with that past actually opens the mind to be more able to start all over.....that has been very true for me. It's like life now is exactly how I imagined it SHOULD BE all my life but was not in a place where it COULD BE.