Well... I have to say I just finished replying to your first post, here on PC, where you wrote you were happy to report you had recovered from depression... for which you said you are incredibly grateful. Now, here in this post, you write that you've been depressed for more than 3 years, been in therapy for 2, been on antidepressants, been through 3 partial hospital programs, & are feeling super suicidal. So I have to admit I'm a bit confused.

If you really are feeling super suicidal what you need to do is to reach out in real life for the help you need. Under those circumstances, the fact that your parents want you to be strong for the family is really beside the point it seems to me. As I wrote in my reply to your first post, we here on PC want to be as supportive as possible. But realistically there's obviously only so much we can do. Suicidal thinking is not something to mess around with. It's important to seek professional mental health care for it. So if you're still seeing a therapist, perhaps reach out to that person. Otherwise talk to your parents... or someone else. The thing you don't want to do it to try to simply continue to stuff down what you are feeling. And then, in the meantime, consider continuing to post here on PC. Writing about how you're feeling can help too. My best wishes to you.