Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
I think I mentioned this in a different thread?, but one of my biggest fears is T leaving me. I thought if I got better, that would be the end of therapy. That's what happened before, and everyone left. I hit rock bottom. I told my T about this, and she said she won't leave me even if I improve. She said we will distance out sessions, but she won't leave. That has helped me a ton. And she's proven herself to me. We tapered down to once every 3-4 weeks, but when I need her more frequently, she's there. She trusts me to be honest whether it's truly a need or just a want. If it's just a want, she will acknowledge my feelings and desires and help me with them. If it's a need, she fits me into her schedule.
This is why people often give the response "talk to your T". I even got that on my thread, hehe. Your T is supposed to help guide you through this. This IS a main part of therapy: learning how to get your needs met. Don't be ashamed about it. Everyone needs to learn this at some point. It's good that you recognize it. If your T is a good T, she'll help you through this.
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I really like your Ts mentality on this. Unfortunately, I’ve not had a T yet that is able to do this with me, because they all have left in a year or less because of promotions, moving, etc.. (or I left them, because I moved or something). I have some serious T-related abandonment issues going on right now, and she knows this. Right now I’m at a treatment program, where you basically go as often as you need. When I started there, I was going 5 days a week, pretty much all day, and now I just go for session once a week and one group once a week. Because this is a program, though, and considered a “higher level of care,” I can’t stay there forever. T said she doesn’t want me to, either. That her job is to work herself out of a job, and she doesn’t want me to need to be there for more than another year. That hurts a lot. I know that means she wants what is best for me, and isn’t being selfish in wanting me to stay there just so she can be the one to help me (I had that happen with a T once...it was bad...). So I have this fear of getting better and all of the sudden being told “well, you’re doing well enough on your own now, looks like you don’t need us. Bye!” That’s a real possibility. As it is, I’m in jeopardy of getting kicked out of the program, because I can barely attend my groups due to my classes in school. They have to justify to insurance every 3 months why I still need to be there, and that gets harder to do if I get better...Right now, she agreed that I still need them, though, because although I don’t really need groups, I do need contact with her outside of session pretty frequently, more than many therapists would be able to handle. I just feel so insecure there, like I’m gonna get thrown to the curb in the middle of the year in med school, and I can’t handle that. She knows I have these concerns, but there’s not a lot she can do about it because of logistics. So I find myself in a constant push and pull within myself of “I have to cling and try to talk to her as much as possible” and “i have to keep my distance so that I don’t get hurt.” It’s mentally exhausting.