This issue is painful and confusing for me, but I'll make this post fairly short. if anyone has questions, please ask.

My daughter (age 33) and I were always very close. She had a safe and secure childhood, no unusual issues in our home. She was adored by all families (mine, my husband's). 6 years ago she married a man who is well-loved by all of us.


A bit over a year ago, my daughter started grad school. From the first day, she became short with me. She is pleased to be at university. Stressed because she has to work hard, but feels a tremendous sense of meaning in her life.

For years we talked on the phone every day. Over this summer she asked that we talk only a couple of times per week. I was stung a little bit, but knew it was natural and accepted it. I see her IRL about 2 times/month (she lives fairly close to me). As it turns out, we have phone conversations about every 10 days now. Usually when we do, my daughter seems tired and disinterested.

If I want to call her an "additional" time for a quick (it must be very quick) question or idea, I have to text her first and ask, "Is it okay if I call you?" Often, she replies, "No, I'm really busy". I don't doubt that she is...yet I notice that she replies to friends on social media. So she does have time for that.

I am at a point at which I am feeling extremely anxious when I call my daughter. I feel ashamed for calling her, as though I am meekly begging for a crumb of attention from her, because she has all the power. The anxiety is miserable. My daughter, btw, does find my number when she needs something...when she needs "mom".

I'm hurting & don't entirely understand what's going on (yes, I have asked her, still don't understand). Any input?