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Old Oct 29, 2018, 06:04 PM
paintedturtle paintedturtle is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Little Rock, AR
Posts: 34
I am really struggling with communication with my husband. We have been married for 14 years in December, and I know he loves me. He is a good man, very loving, gentle natured and affectionate. He has never been abusive to me in any way at all. He is also, though human, very patient, tolerant and understanding. To illustrate my point, I have been sick and basically too exhausted to participate in our marriage, pysically, emotionally or intimatly for 11 of the 14 years that we have been married, yet he has stuck by me the whole time, never complained and , most importantly, he didn't leave!!! Now that I have had my surgery and I am slowly starting feeling better, my desire to participate in or marriage in all of those ways is returning. I want us to enjoy each other the way we did when we first got married. However, a problem has surfaced and I don't have a clue how to "fix" it. I was raised in an abusive household, as I imagine many of us were. I won't detail the abuse becuase, once again, I never want to trigger anyone if I can avoid it. But, there were a lot of normal, everyday things that other people did that were not tolerated in our household. There were punishments for things that occur normally for other people. You never showed emotion. You never showed fear and you never showed or talked about your feelings. You didn't make noise or rough-house like normal kids. You know, stuff like that, and the punishments could be harsh, both physically and psychologically. Now that I am awake and aware, I realize that I react to every little thing my husband says or does with fear, as if he's going to berate me or hit me or otherwise punish me. And it hurts his feelings because I won't talk to him about it, but I get so scared. I've started to try to tlk to him and work through the fear, but I sit there and cry and tremble like a child. He doesn't even know what to do any more. I get terrified that he will get frustrated and leave, yet he continues to stay. Like I said, he truly is one of the few genuinely good men on this earth. It was so easy not to feel any of this when I was asleep for most of our marriage, but I can't live like that anymore. My PCP suggested therapy for a while to hellp me through that and I do think it's a good idea. The problem is that My husband already does so much for me, as it is, because I can't get around on my own and I don't drive either. I worry about the inconvenience to his life. The man hasn't been able to do anything recreational, for himself - just because he wanted to - in years. I want him to be able to take our son fishing or to the park to feed the ducks or to the zoo, without having to worry about me. This could go on forever. I feel like I'm "complaining" a lot, but really, I'm just trying to work through all this stuff. I'm almost 50 years old. I'm so ready to let it go. Unfortunately, I think it's going to take some work. If anyone has any input, I am certainly open to it. Thanks.
Hugs from:
MickeyCheeky, seeminglyreal