I really had it out with my pdoc today ... he asked so I told him ... I have always felt misdxed and believe the depression and anexity but not the rest .... told him I felt he dxed me wrong and kept it up for the insurance purposes ... I have felt this way for the last 6 years ...

I have no doubt he does want the best for me ... but I just could not believe the bp1 ... we had a long talk ... he gave me example after example ... he made a believer of me ... so I guess I really am ... he stated I was a text book example for bp1 ...

I know I have said this before but I never really believed ... not deep inside anyway ...

I feel like I have been neutered ... like a part of me has died inside ... it is really hard to admit this to myself ... I have always played games with my meds ... because I did not need them ...

I have finally decided I just need to turn the responsibility for which med and how much to him ... and just do what I am told ... this really sucks ...

I admire those of you that do this everyday ... with out sounding too meladramic ... I expect this to be one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do ...