Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Laurie I am sorry to hear that. I have only one input and suggestion: to tell her how you feel.
My daughter demonstrated similar behavior for some period (don’t recall how long, probably a year) in her first year of college, she became rather distant and all of a sudden short and not affectionate with me. Same as you I am close to her and we typically talk daily, she is also a very affectionate person. I recall that I was very upset at the time. What I did was telling her exactly how I fell. I couldn’t say in person at the moment so I sent email. I told her how her behavior makes me feel and if there is anything going etc etc it wasn’t accusatory but just explaining my feelings (she is my only child).
I don’t recall all the moment what exactly she said in her reply as it was over 10 years ago but her behavior with me returned to normal shortly after. Main jist was stress and also she felt I was not very understanding of her stress, which was likely true.
Does she know how this makes you feel?
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Thank you for your reply, divine. Yes, I have discussed how I feel with her. Initially when we discussed it, there were angry words and hurt feelings. We did process through some misunderstandings, which felt successful to me.
That said, I feel like I've come out on the short end of the stick. When I've expressed how I feel, she reiterates that she's very busy and tired and so on. Bottom line, it's her way, or no relationship. I mean that 100%. She has told me that her education comes first, and that if I cannot live with that, no go.
That's what hurts so deeply. That's what confuses me. I mean...is it normal, these days, to text your grown child to ask if you might call? My own mother would not have tolerated such behavior. I would not have imagined treating her in such a disrespectful manner...I would have been horribly ashamed to face her, knowing how I'd behaved.
I can sort-of understand how a first-year college student might insist upon "leaving the nest"...being independent. But my daughter is 33. Seems a bit old to behave the way she does. Then again, in many ways she's always been a late bloomer, especially with regard to emotion and relationship.