"I cannot ****ing stand this, I'm sick of ****ing standing, on my own, on my phone, without a ****ing purpose. And yeah I hope it's worth it.... I think I deserve this, I know that I deserve this"

Quote kinda says it all. It's been a really hard day, I'm sorry for all the negativity in my posts.

I guess I just don't get it. I've been taking care of myself. Taking my meds, working out, eating right, utilizing coping skills I've learned from my hospitalizations, and... nothing. Nothing to show for it. I'm trapped in this god forsaken nightmare. It doesn't matter that I try, it doesn't matter that I've lost weight. Nothing matters.