My favorite thing to eat and drink at the ward was apple pie and silk soy milk. I’ve never had any non-dairy milk before and to this day I prefer silk soy milk over regular milk. I gained about 20-30 pounds in my three week stay. I was so underweight when i arrived that the nurses asked if I had an eating disorder. I still kick myself for not watching my weight. In about three years of HEAVY meds I gained almost 100 pounds.

I remember my parents and I sitting at a “what the hell is bipolar” meeting and they stupidly ask if I need a disability placard for driving. They also asked if my zombification is a permanent state of being. I was seriously zombified for about a year and a half. I couldn’t control my facial features, my mouth was always hanging open and I drooled a lot. My mom would have to wipe my face a lot when we went out to eat.

On the ride home from the hospital, I kept telling my dad how pretty the red stop signs were.

My dad always tells the story of the time we went out to a place where you pick your own toppings on a hamburger and he told me I stared at the toppings like it was mindblowing.

Choosing if I wanted fries or a salad was an overwhelming ordeal