Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
There are times when I have felt this, but I can't recall a time when it wasn't useful for me to think about the impact I may have on others, especially when I am unkind or judgmental or too extreme in my thinking.
Sometimes what has felt like a defense of the other person is not so much a defense but a more accurate and nuanced way of looking like the situation. Understanding why someone might have __ is helpful to my own processing and tendency to see things as more negative than they really are. It can feel like a defense of the other person to encourage me to focus on the entire situation, not just on my perspective.
|
Thanks for your input. Given me some food for thought. I do appreciate how it can be helpful to look at the exchange/situation in its entirety and not just my own perspective in isolation. From reading back on my post and had I not known the situations I am referring to it may have sounded a bit like a little child saying 'What about me?' 'Focus on me..' 'It's all about me' which is not at all how it was or is. It wasn't even that there was some focus on the other person as yes I agree that is helpful to look at the overall interaction and how we are both contributing to what is happening or has happened but more the fact it became ALL about the other person and their experience. It just made me wonder more about the possible reasons for a therapist doing this. I don't think it's really anything to do with who is right or wrong but more like in that moment they were identifying more with that person.
Quote:
|
And I'm not really fond of people just shining me on and agreeing with me because they are afraid to or because they find me intimidating. There are therapists like that who will just do and say whatever you demand, but I'm not in therapy to get someone else to agree with me. Validation can be easily overdone and can cross a line into narcissism. (I'm not saying this is what is going on).
|
I also agree with this. I don't want my T to just agree with everything I say as I don't think that would be helpful at all and also they are then being completely inauthentic which is something that would being counterproductive for me. I do think you can validate someone's feelings no matter what they are however without leading them down a path to narcissism. The conversation doesn't need to stop at validation.
Quote:
|
I think it depends whether a T being able to see a situation beyond your thinking of it and being skilled at communicating that without saying "you're wrong!" or something else judgmental is helpful to you or not. Maybe you're not in therapy to learn how you may distort your perceptions of the world in ways that don't serve you, or maybe you don't want to be challenged. But that's what this sounds like to me, but I think the best way to figure it out is to have a conversation with your t about how you saw this and why it bothered you.
|
I am not in therapy to learn how I may distort my perceptions of the world in ways that don't serve me but I don't think it's something that I or anyone else wouldn't benefit from looking at and am very open to delving further in that respect. In fact, there are some very obvious areas that I do perhaps do this and the longer I am in therapy the more I discover when this might be happening. I just don't think that is the situation here...
Yes, I do plan to bring it up with my T. I also just wanted some other thoughts and experiences from here. It is an interesting dynamic and I am trying to explore more why it has happened at various points throughout the relationship.
Thanks for your input it has challenged me to dig a bit deeper.