I feel like that today. I have long streaks of cozy confidence, but then if stress is heavy in my life, I test him and it never works. I know I am not allowed to email, but I did today. Of course he won't answer. Then, I will want to skip Thursday. All that conflict in my mind immediately leads me down the road of he will fire me as a client or he will fail my test as a T and I will have to quit out of pride. These dynamics crop out of no where, after long spells of connection. I am so so frustrated and sad.