For me I have felt my grief more resolved (and I don't think grief or letting go happens all at once) when I have seen the person and the loss for what they truly are, the good, the bad, the things that make me smile, the things that make me weep, etc. When I distort the reality of the person, which is some combination of good/bad etc, that's when things hurt a lot for me. Seeing things as they are, being as honest with myself as I can be, that's what has been useful for me to move forward. That's why I'm always going on and on about distorted perceptions, because I don't believe they do anyone any good, or at least they haven't for me.