I know it sounds cheesy but it’s the best to describe what I’m feeling. My boyfriend broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago because I have trust issues and I initiated fights constantly. We’ve been still fighting even though we were not together. After we fight I get mad and scream my heart out to him by phone and when he hangs up by text. I tell him I don’t want to communicate anymore, delete all call and messages from my phone and decide not to call him. But then when I stop communicating he starts texting or he calls. When I’m mad, I try to convince myself that I’m better off without him but then he calls I quickly forget. He always breaks down that wall that I try building up. I see all the signs that I’m heading towards the wrong direction but I choose to ignore it. I called today and I asked if he still loves me and he said “yes, of course I still do” and then I said I wanted to see him today, so I waited till he said I could come over. I got there and was not mean but was cold. We talked over the shows we were watching on tv but nothing else. Well I was there for 2 hrs and then I said I was leaving. I asked if he was going to say anything, he said “what about “ and i I replied “you know why I am here. He said nothing, I got close so I could kiss him and we kissed and then we had sex. I told him that I love him but didn’t say anything back. We showered, I got dressed and he asked “what are you going to do”, so I said that I was leaving and he said he was going to go to bed. I asked what he wanted to do with us and he replied that he didn’t know that he just wanted to let things flow. I kissed him, told him that I love him and came home. I feel kinda stupid! I went over to fix things and I came home thinking how I didn’t fixed anything I just had sex. What if tomorrow he doesn’t call or text? I move 2 steps forward and then I have to go back 10. I love the idea of us going back to the happy times but realistically things are probably way past done between us. Why is it that I could forget and forgive so easily and he can’t? If we both love each other why can’t we both fight to fix the little that it’s left? Or am I the one pushing him to be around me? I think it’s the last but why am I sabotaging my feelings, myself and what it is left of my dignity?