I don't want you to see me as empowered and capable and all that stuff
I want you to see me as fragile and someone who needs to be protected
The more "good" choices I make in the "right" direction, the more responsibility I'm accepting for myself.
It's not fair.
I had to be responsible for myself and managing my own feelings and didn't get protected and taken care of at the age when other kids did.
It's not fair that I didn't get it then and I still don't get to get it now, and now I'm supposed to willingly let go of seeking it?
I don't want this