Session with R yesterday. He said I kept trying to push him away and I was succeeding. I was sabotaging therapy by missing sessions and this had been going on since my break in september and that i'd been withdrawing. He wanted to see me each week, and didn't work every other week. If I couldn't agree then maybe it was best to terminate before the Christmas break by the 18th of December.

Even after close to two years I don't feel like I can trust him. I can feel huge amounts of resistance which has been here for a while now. With the idea of seeing him weekly, I feel trapped and like I don't have a choice. Or maybe it's just the realization that I've been seeing him for so long but parts of me are still the same. My last relationship with my friends only lasted 2.5 years but even now 18 months later I'm still not "over it". I don't see the point in getting even more attached if I'm just going to lose him later on.

I just needed to get that now, and now I have to get ready for my 8.20am Stomatology seminar.