It wasn't until I realized (in general) how I reacted to my daughter that I was able to change my reactions & apologize for what I had done. One can apologize but if they see the same actions they question the sincerity of the apology.

Yes, sometimes it does come down to figuring out what we might have done because trying to make them feel guilty for not including you may only make things worse not better if that was similar to their past experience with you.

Ugh, relationships are so very complex when there isn't really good communication & only communication at surface level