My brother has nixed every single idea that my sister and I have had to more aggressively help my father. We never had the group intervention because of my brother. I am through doing nothing or doing so little that Dad does nothing to change.

In July, my husband and I drafted a letter to my dad's girlfriend of several years. It was never sent. Today I reworked it and told my sister that I WILL now send it. I sent it to her and probably she read it to her stubborn and unhelpful husband. I told her that I didn't need to show my brother (who constantly nixes all ideas), but she pushed me to show it to him. I sent it to my brother, who never reads emails, and cc:d my sister asking her to show my brother when she sees him. I wrote that I will leave a vmx on my brother's cell phone on Sunday morning and if I don't hear from him by Monday, it will go out, but I will eliminate references to him (and even my sister, if necessary) and change all "we's" to "I's" and "me's". I told them that I will accept any consequences from doing that.

I'm at a point where I will no longer see my father if he does not get some TBD'd level of help. I'm willing to accept that possibility. I rarely see him much anyway, and when I do, it's always a very stressful visit leaving me crying or with anxiety attacks. Frankly, I have told my therapist and psychiatrist already that I have been basically grieving the loss of my father. If it is total loss, even without his passing, at least my grieving process is started.