nightbird, no this does not bring me down. i mean i am so sorry you went through similar things and similar feelings. I would not wish that on anyone. And i am sorry your mother passed away. But your story does bring light to my eyes that it is possible to maybe not get over it, but to learn now to cope with it. Thank you so much for sharing with me, and i know it is going to be hard work and i have just been pretending it doesn't bother me and putting it at the back of my mind, hoping one day it would just disappear on it's own. i know now that it will be hard to talk about but it is the only way it will ever stop coming back to haunt me. I can't thank you enough for sharing such an emotional time in your life.