So, I was browsing through some old facebook pictures and each one brought back a memory. Some like ( oh yeah that was the one time I came out of hospital after 2 months.)

anyways, looking back at my high school days, and I am just thinking, where tf did it all go wrong?

I dealt with my bipolar very successfully from 14-18. And just looking at those pictures, man I looked so healthy and good.

I realize things change, but I have basically sabotaged my life doing self destructive things that I knew were detrimental to this disease. It has always been a very manageable thing.

I think, it all started with a bad breakup after a 2 year relationship. I realize people change and nobody remains high school sweethearts, but she really kept me stable.

All that time, I was only on a very low dose of depokote. Like 500mg or 250mg every night. it worked.

I had the world in front of me..

And then I discovered pot. Loved it. Then it sent me manic/psychotic in hospital for a week at 18.
And for the last 10 years its been an on an off obsession, along with other drugs, but mostly just weed.. oh and the going off med thing, which only adds to it.

At 18 they introduced anti-psychotics. I've been on about 10 different ones in the last 10 years.

Since my 20s I'm averaging a hospitalization every year.
Haven't broke the cycle.
I'm now diagnosed schizoaffective.
Been on ssdi for about 5 years.

Oh, and not to mention 6months in jail, 3 in state hospital. Which, was most recent.
Been home since April, stable since January. Shouldn't of been taken to jail, but it happened. And yes,I think I've finally hit a Wake Up call.
Besides, the constant, depression that never ceases, I don't have any other symptoms. Like Ever.
Its only when I go off meds and do drugs. That cycle is Over with.

I've put myself through more trauma then anybody has to go through in an entire life time. I feel like I've aged 20 years more than I should have.

So, if you're newly diagnosed, just Do What You Are Supposed To.
This disease is Very manageable and treatable. Don't go off the rails like I have so many times.
Please take your meds.

*cheers*